Music is a sign of a thriving culture. We celebrate ancient cultures that made instruments and imagine their concerts and the human creative drive that made them want to create and manipulate sounds in such a way that it becomes an outlet for emotion and thought. 2020 stole our concerts. This is a short lament about wondering if we’re thriving. It’s me calling out my past self for not traveling when I could.
Read MoreI’m floating in seas that terrify me, further and further away from the shore. Ancient swells meant for ships surround me. Depths glittered by sunlight. When I panic I drink salt, but when I float I’m helpless. I’m here because of faith and I’m ashamed to tell you how many times I wondered if I would be happier if I had stayed on shore.
Read MoreFire surges through me and I want to her to know my disgust. I am ashamed of her and I want her to feel it. But I say nothing because she’s too far gone and my vocabulary isn’t enough. I let this old woman, who has never supported me anyway, go on her way and I hope she feels dirty. She’s the one who, I think, is beyond hope. So why does that hopelessness stay with me instead of following her?
Read More… He tells me that I’m crawling through the darkness of the world instead of looking at Him, the Light of the World. He reminds me that I’m supposed to be a light bearer.
I’m convicted, and I welcome it.
Read MoreYou’re silent while so much soul blinding, nerve numbing, intelligence dumbing is sweeping through unchecked. It’s a dark cloak in a sleeping orphanage. It’s a heavy, light-blocking spirit. Like a virus, it has gone through halls of your life, the corridors of your churches, and switched off every light in your classrooms. And the grief I’m feeling is that you’re still in there going through the motions like you didn’t notice the change.
Read MoreI have to remember that this life and all of its details are given to me to manage, not to own. In this way, it is not according to my reach, but according to His. It is not on me, this vest of uncertainty. It is not real. Be anxious for nothing is my affirmation, not another thing I must achieve.
Read MoreIt’s part of the human condition to protect yourself from pain. Failing is painful, so my unchecked, unmanned mind can buckle me in to wherever I am and tell me to sit still, lest I fail. “Don’t try. You won’t make it. You’re going to be embarrassed.”
Read MoreThe key to being whole is forgiveness. You’re a recipient of forgiveness and a vessel of it. It’s not either/or.
Read MoreI’ve emotionally moved on. I’ve socially moved on. And I’ve stepped into an entirely different personal reality since all of that. I rarely think about the people in my old life. That is, until I am asked to share my shame in the hope that it will make someone else feel less alone in theirs. But is there more I should be doing?
Read MoreThere are some things that lose value when you bring them from the spirit to the physical. Memories, private pain, and fear aren’t as sacred when you try to stuff them into the carcass of words. Like shoving a queen into a dress that’s too small just to make her sit at a table that’s too short and eat soup with a fork.
Read MoreSometimes, when the right now gets too convoluted with the details of emptiness, we forget. We turn our worship somewhere else. Inward, maybe. We’ve survived, but to what end? Survived a feat just to be angry that you had the feat in the first place? You know what you endured, but do you have any idea what you were spared?
Read MoreDefine what you want. Picture it and be specific. You think your ideas come from you? You think you’re deciding your purpose? You were formed. You were created. Your purpose came before the threads of your life hit the dye.
Read MoreA local pastor has said that those who do yoga are opening themselves up to the demonic power of Satan. He cites the origins of yoga and says that even if you don’t attribute the ancient religion to your downward dog, that it doesn’t matter. It’s enough to go through the motions and you should be afraid. I’m thinking, why stop at yoga? They celebrate Halloween. Why not take issue with that? Birthdays, birthday cakes, Christmas trees… the list doesn’t stop. If we go this route, we’re going to need to reestablish the sacrificial system of priests and lambs, and eventually we’re going to need a Savior.
Read MoreI hear people convinced of their own version of God and not hear when they contradict themselves. I ask questions to probe their reasoning and their answers reduce God to be subservient of themselves. I listen and I wonder why they don't hear it. I wonder why they're the leaders at their church. I wonder how many people they've turned away. They write books, hold small groups, lead worship, but I don't recognize the god they talk about.
Read MoreMy fresh start is a little fresher than I intended. I’m pretty sure I lost the 307 blog posts that I wrote over the last nine years. If getting upset would bring them back, I would get upset. But, it won’t, so I’m not.
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