You're Not A Settler. You're A Traveller.
“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you. I’ve called your name. You’re mine. When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you. When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down. When you’re between a rock and a hard place, it won’t be a dead end— Because I am God, your personal God, The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you...”
The further I get away from the fear of my childhood and the shame of my failures, the lighter I feel. The belief that I am not defined by what I was born into or by my failures gives me a weightlessness. A feeling that anything is possible.
I try out this potential by running up to that hill, because running that far seems difficult. Then I get to the hill and think, I wonder if I can climb it. Then when I’m standing on the highest point, I think, “I never would have known this beauty without that effort”, and I look around for what I can do next. I find no fences. I don’t have anyone chasing me, telling me I can’t do something. I wouldn’t believe them if they did.
“I have no sense of myself apart from you.”
Do you believe, with everything inside of you, that you are living the life that God intended for you to live? I’m not talking about flawless morality… there’s no such thing. I’m talking about living free from shame and fear. That dead weight can make you feel like you’re stuck on repeat.
What’s something you want to accomplish, but haven’t tried because you’re you? What aches to be born that you haven’t yet conceived? We rarely know how to accomplish what we want to accomplish. If you wait for that, you’ll be waiting forever. But do you know how to start it?
“Quia amasti me, fecisti me amabilem. (In loving me, you made me lovable.)”
I tend to get insecure when it gets quiet. I look in places I don’t usually look to find my worth, and when I can’t find it, I start to fade. I’m fickle, but I’m not weak. I know I’m the only one I’ll listen to, so I tell myself that if it’s quiet, it’s because life is about to pick up speed. All my hard work is about to pay off. I call the nothing “Peace”, and embrace it like it’s rare. Like an inventor who just flipped the switch to “on”, I’m waiting for something to happen.
Faith.
What do you want?
Define what you want. Picture it and be specific. You think your ideas come from you? You think you’re deciding your purpose? You were formed. You were created. Your purpose came before the threads of your life hit the dye.
Fear.
Of failure? Oh, good gosh. Failure is a certainty.
I’m bored. Be more original.
Are you afraid of what you’ll lose? That’s it, isn’t it?
There’s a certain gracefulness to a life that can let things, people, and circumstances move through freely without clinging to them or falling apart when their chapter is over. Staying past your welcome leaves a stain on the whole visit.
You’re not a settler. You’re a traveller. Travel light.
Picture yourself at the highest point of the mountain you want to climb. What do you see?
“That’s how much you mean to me! That’s how much I love you! I’d sell off the whole world to get you back, trade the creation just for you. So don’t be afraid: I’m with you.”