A Heavy Vest

So much change in such a short span of time has me breathing against a the heavy vest of uncertainty. I fight against the genetic gift of my mother’s anxiety and the insatiable need to know that everything is okay. They tell you to watch for the arms of a person who is drowning because they’ll push you under water to hold themselves above it. That’s what having an anxious mother is like. I can feel that tendency chiling my own blood.

“Be anxious for nothing.”

Not as much a command as an affirmation, I’m thinking. If it’s a command, then I’m on my own to distract myself from my worry so I don’t slip under the water. But, what drowns in my place? If it’s an affirmation, then it’s a challenge of faith.

I feel the conviction. It’s calling me out from my hiding place. I’m supposed to be listening and responding, not preempting and protecting. I’m getting in the way of my own freedom.

Listen to Him….

"If you stick with this, living out what I tell you, you are my disciples for sure. Then you will experience for yourselves the truth, and the truth will free you.” - John 8:32 MSG

Let Him work in you…

“Be energetic in your life of salvation, reverent and sensitive before God. That energy is God’s energy, an energy deep within you, God himself willing and working at what will give him the most pleasure.” - Philippians 2:13 MSG

Respond as He would respond…

“Jesus said, “I am the Road, also the Truth, also the Life.” - John 14 6 MSG

I have to remember that this life and all of its details are given to me to manage, not to own. In this way, it is not according to my reach, but according to His. It is not on me, this vest of uncertainty. It is not real. Be anxious for nothing is my affirmation, not another thing I must achieve.

I prayed: “Is there anything I can be doing better?”

He answered: “You don’t have to be as scared as you are.”