Sharing my story. Still.
I’m waiting for a podcast for which I was interviewed to go live. I have been interviewed three times now. Once for my childhood, once for my big huge failure, and once for the aftermath. I’m waiting for the “aftermath” one. I’m unscripted and don’t really know what all I said or how I came across until I hear it. I can’t help but feel vulnerable.
It’s been 13 years and 7 months. Everything is different now. I love my life. My children are older, two in college… I have wrinkles and gray hairs. Justin and I just celebrated 12 years of marriage. So long that I just had to use my calculator to make sure I have the years right. It’s been 13 years and 7 months since my huge failure. But there are parts that are frozen in place. I was excommunicated. That is frozen in place.
13 years and four months since I was excommunicated. 13 years and three months since the last time I heard from anyone in my previous life.
I’ve emotionally moved on. I’ve socially moved on. And I’ve stepped into an entirely different personal reality since all of that. I rarely think about the people in my old life. That is, until I am asked to share my shame in the hope that it will make someone else feel less alone in theirs.
I also think about them as they start to reach out to Justin. And they are now. His heart is soft toward them and he’s so grateful. I’m excited for him. A lot comes for him in this.
“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.”
When I read about making things right in this situation. I don’t know if there is something I should do. When I’ve reached out before, I was ignored or told that there was no need. That all was forgiven and to go in peace.
I’ve gone in peace.
But, is there more work that can be done?
That’s the question in my prayer.