Throwing In The Towel
My heart is heavy. My chest is tight. My breathing is shallow. I’m okay. I’m just anxious. I’m going to read my devotional, the related scriptures, meditate… pray. And we’ll see where I land.
… He tells me that I’m crawling through the darkness of the world instead of looking at Him, the Light of the World. He reminds me that I’m supposed to be a light bearer.
I’m convicted, and I welcome it.
“Jesus said, “You’re tied down to the mundane; I’m in touch with what is beyond your horizons. You live in terms of what you see and touch. I’m living on other terms. I told you that you were missing God in all this.”
Now, more than ever, I need to not look so deeply into what is happening as though I’ll find truth, insight, and wisdom there. I need to see, yes, I want and need to know what is happening in the world, but that can’t be my compass. Ugh. It’s been my compass and I’m spinning inside myself because of it.
“Here’s another way to put it: You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”
When I’m anxious, I say I’m anxious. But, what then? When I’m at peace, I need to acknowledge that, too. Say from where (from Whom) I get my peace. When you’re worried and stressed, you can’t be generous. I've learned this. And, I know that generosity is the purpose of having. Generosity is the purpose of abundance. I haven’t felt the abundance. I haven’t been generous. I haven’t been a light bearer.
Convicted, but not conflicted.
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”
Throwing in the towel.
I’m committing to carrying this freedom, the promise that He’s never going to leave my side, so that I can disappear into His light. I need a vacation. I need a refuge. I need a break. I’m going to actively allow myself to go blind in the promise of His presence and I fully expect to be “transformed” in it.
Photo Cred: Simon Rae