Getting It Mostly Wrong
“It is perilously possible to make our conceptions of God like molten lead poured into a specially designed mould, and when it’s cold and hard we fling it at the heads of religious people who don’t agree with us.”
Photo Cred: Laura Kapfer
As I move through my own space and feel for walls I never find, I pick up light and collect building blocks to bring back to where I sleep. Every day I go out and scavenge knowledge to add to my collection of the things that change me. I find hills I can't climb and climb them, then I find impossible mountains and move them. The more I learn, the more I know, and the more I know, the more I realize there's so much I don't know. And it paralyzes me. I don't know what to say because I don't know where to start.
“The moment they saw him they worshiped him. Some, though, held back, not sure about worship, about risking themselves totally.”
The artist preps her brushes. The chef sharpens his knives. The writer opens her laptop. But the artist paints a masterpiece not knowing if anyone will buy it. The chef sharpens his knives for meals he's not sure anyone will order. And the writer uses her delete button more than any other. Holding back.
Worship is the opposite of doubt.
“Don’t be in any rush to become a teacher, my friends. Teaching is highly responsible work. Teachers are held to the strictest standards. And none of us is perfectly qualified. We get it wrong nearly every time we open our mouths. If you could find someone whose speech was perfectly true, you’d have a perfect person, in perfect control of life.”
The more I know, the more I know I don't know and it keeps me quiet. I don't want to hurl my version of God at the heads of those who don't see the things I see. So, I listen, and I watch, and I try to understand.
I hear people convinced of their own version of God and not hear when they contradict themselves. I ask questions to probe their reasoning and their answers reduce God to be subservient of themselves. I listen and I wonder why they don't hear it. I wonder why they're the leaders at their church. I wonder how many people they've turned away. They write books, hold small groups, lead worship, but I don't recognize the god they talk about.
God is terrifying, but their version is declawed. God's purpose supersedes the human experience, but they try to make sense of him through their own singular path of human experience. He's not bound by our perceivable dimensions, but they use their god as a bookmark.
I try to understand, but I don't understand much. But, I'm still here. I'm still listening. And I'll work on not hitting my delete button so often.